First, I want to say this: I didn’t write that last post to try and garner sympathy or apologies or any kind of attention. I wrote it because, in the middle of the night, I couldn’t turn my brain off. I had to put everything spinning around in there down “on paper.” It’s a technique I learned a few years back to help manage my anxiety driven obsessive thought loops. If I write or type out the thoughts I keep repeating in my head, they seem to fade away and I can slow my brain down. While I know this blog is public and accessible to the wide internet, I also know not that many people actually read it so I keep it for me. I figure, if my thoughts and experiences resonate with someone else out there and help them even just a little bit to feel less alone, it was a good thing I put them out there. That’s why this is public.
That being said, I want to thank those of you who reached out to me. Your kind words, honest apologies, and sincere compliments did a lot to help me. Seriously. Being able to share what I’ve always held inside myself with the outside world and receive such a positive response really touched me. So from the bottom of my hear, thank you.
It was a dark night when I wrote that post. Probably the darkest I had seen in a long while. At the time I wrote that, I was feeling hopeless and needed to express that in writing. It helped. And now, here I am today, only a few short days later. The sun is shining, really shining, for the first time in months. It’s evident spring is coming finally. I had an interview earlier today for a job I really think I’ll like and, pending my background check and drug tests (which will both be clean), I was offered the job. I’m starting to feel better. Things aren’t great; it’s gonna take me a while to get all the way back up. But that’s okay. It was really dark the other night, but I think I see the dawn coming.